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DILBERT'S OFFICE
VOCAB
Assmosis
- The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss.
Blamestorming
- Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull
Manager - A manager who
flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then
leaves
Salmon
Day - The experience of
spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed
and die in the end.
Chainsaw
Consultant - An outside
expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving
the brass with clean hands.
CLM
- Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe
ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is
within earshot is a serious CLM.
Adminisphere
- The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere
are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the
problems they were designed to solve.
Flight
Risk - Used to describe
employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company
or department soon.
404
- Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error
message"404 URL Not Found," meaning that the
requested document could not be located. Used as in:
"Don't bother asking him.. he's 404, man."
Generica
- Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same
no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls,
subdivisions. Used as in: "We were so lost in generica
that I forgot what city we were in."
Ohno-second
- That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive
Maintenance - The fine art
of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to
work again.
Umfriend
- A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed
intimate relationship, as in "This is Dylan, my ... um
... friend."
Body
Nazis - Hard-core exercise
and weightlifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't
work out obsessively.
Cube
Farm - An office filled
with cubicles.
Idea
Hamsters - People who
always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse
Potato - The on-line, wired
generation's answer to the couch potato.
Prairie
Dogging - When someone
yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's
heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMS
- What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of
them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Swiped
Out - An ATM or credit card
that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is
worn away from extensive use.
Xerox
Subsidy - Euphemism for
swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Going
Postal - Euphemism for
being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to
the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have
snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
Alpha
Geek - The most
knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or
work group.
G.O.O.D.
Job - A
"Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take
in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as
soon as they are solvent again.
Irritainment
- Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying
but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J.
trials were a prime example.
Yuppie
Food Stamps - The
ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal:
"We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food
stamps.
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